Stick with me

Do you ever just have so much on your mind, so much you could write about, that it just fills you up? Ha, thats how I feel tonight. So where to start....

Hmm, yesterday and today I did slightly better being conscious about what I was stuffing my face with, but at the same time I feel like I need to be MORE SO. I need to literally start measuring out portion sizes. Soo, this week I did the pop thing, next week its literally measuring out my food.

I miss Wilderness. I miss the people from there, I miss the silence, I miss paddling, I miss Saunas, I just miss it all. I think part of that is due to the fact that I didn't go up there once this summer. Part of me just felt like I didnt belong up there or something when I went up the previous summer, most of it was the fact that there was just a lot going on in my life this past summer. Part of it is the fact that I don't have the priorities in my life straight. But lately, I just have this ache to go back up there. I think of how much the people and the time I spent up there changed my life, and really shaped who I am. I feel like I have lost so much of what I had gained, that I let things slip. I started to go back into some of the ways I had that I didn't really like about myself, I stopped trusting in God, stopped trusting in myself. I am a happy person, but there are parts of me that I so want to shape still. Luckily I am working at it everyday! I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life who are there to be a shoulder to cry on, people to laugh with, pray with, share in times of celebration with. Go me.

I did say that I wanted a place to be random and raw and I guess thats what this is. If you are reading it and bearing through it then you pretty much rock. I feel like I need a joke to lighten this up. I promise they won't always be heavy ;) Stick with me!

Windy!

HOLY WIND! I don't know how windy it is around everyone else, but I am shocked we haven't lost power yet here.

So today I start with my "lifestyle changes." EPIC FAIL is all I have to say for today. I started out the day pretty good. Ya know, a bag of pretzels here, water, the usual. Then I go to work and BAM, its like I just eat....all time there. Here is what my food consisted of at work: Apple (not too bad), 2 nutty bars (and by 2 I dont mean two individual ones, I mean two packages with 2 in each package), lots of cooler ranch doritos, a whole can of spaghettios, and a few random pieces of chocolate. OH and then on the way home I decided to get ice cream. A friend said to me, "why don't you just change your ways tonight?" to which I replied, "nope, I have already had this conversation with myself like 4 times." Wanna know the funny thing? the blizzard wasn't even as good as I thought it was going to be. Tomorrow is a new day. As far as the whole work thing, I really think what I need to do is start keeping healthy snacks there. It is kind of inevitable that I am going to snack at work. Somedays there is just a lot of downtime and all of us just kind of sit around and snack. Not the best thing to do but we do it. So MAYBE if I just stop bringing crap for myself I will stop eating like crap. Part of me is tempted to start weight watchers again...just to get myself back on track. We will see....

Why is it that the nights that you need a lot of sleep, you find yourself tossing and turning? You are up thinking about the most ridiculous things, and looking at the clock what seems like every 20 minutes? I had that happen to me last night, and when I woke up this morning I found out that my obligation had been moved and I was super tired so I went back to bed for a little bit. I just woke up and was dragging because I had kept myself up so much. HMPH.


Hmm...I dont really have much else on my mind (right now) and I am rambling, so off to bed I go. Hopefully.

Naps

I got up at 5:30 this morning, and it was one of those mornings that when I got out of bed, I knew I would be taking a nap later on. Sure enough, I got home from work and crawled right back into bed and took a fabulous nap (where I dreamt that my sister was pregnant, which I am PRETTY sure isn't gonna happen anytime soon, if at all again) I slept for about an hour and a half and woke up a little bit ago and I have mixed feelings about my nap. Pretty sure that I could probably go back to sleep again for another half an hour or so, and that makes me feel really lazy cause who wants to sleep that much of their day away. I also feel a little relieved that I was able to take a nap today, because I am still pretty tired from the hustle and bustle of last week. Hmm, maybe I just need to start limiting how many naps I take in a week, like I took a nap today so maybe no nap tomorrow. Little kids don't even realize how good they have it, you know, with naps scheduled into their daily routines :).

So at the beginning of this year I decided to give up pop. I stopped drinking it in January, and then in July started to drink it again. I had one pop when I was traveling in DC with my sister and Cheri cause I didnt really feel like spending 4 bucks on a bottle of water. Well it was kind of a waterfall effect. One pop here led to another one, and then another one, then BAM...before you know it I am drinking pop regularly again. BOOOO Annie. Pop is so bad for you in so many ways, and one thing I really want to try with my whole "lifestyle change" goal is to stop drinking pop (again) I just decided this starts today, which is a good thing cause I didn't have any pop yesterday OR today. So there ya go. Step number one has been taken.  As far as the rest of the steps I need to take....bear with me people, I think its gonna be a process.

So I am going for this promotion at work, and today I was helping my supervisor (boss?) out with some stuff that someday I will more than likely be doing. I was a little confused with all of it, but it was also so interesting and I actually enjoyed doing it. It made me really excited for the possibilities to come. I think I will know more within the next couple weeks, so we will see.

I think that may be all for now. Thanks for reading!! Come back again for more sometime!

Trying out this whole blogging thing

I was talking to a good friend of mine and we both decided that we were going to start blogging. I decided it will be for lots of reasons, and whether or not people read this doesnt matter cause I am doing this for me. Lets see, where should I start today???

Two of my best friends got married yesterday! I have known them both for quite awhile and was there when they started dating. I have been there through the tears, the celebrations, the proposal and I have seen the love they have for eachother and the passion they both have for God. I know that they are gonna make it all the way, because they were truly made for each other. I was honored to be able to stand up there for Jamie, because she has been there me so much over the last few years.

I am currently watching the Amazing Race and all of the commercials are frickin political commercials. I am so glad that elections are next week because then all of the slanderous, ANNOYING ads will be done. You know you hate them too.

Last subject of the night. Weight/laziness/self-esteem. Ack, it is such a big subject and such a touchy one for me, because I feel overweight and gross about 60% of the time. I am a pretty happy person, but my self esteem is kinda in the toilet. I have a HUGE goal these days of changing my eating habits and working out more. Here is the tough thing about that. It's not going on a diet or just starting to workout, it is changing a lifetime of bad habits that have been formed. So thats my goal.I just want to get on track and start to feel good about myself again. k thats it, I am signing off for the night. I am sure there will be much more to come in the future :)